The following is this month's topic for Moments in Motherhood:What is your opinion concerning girls calling boys? Depending on the ages of your children, did/do/will you let your daughters call boys? How do you feel about girls calling your son(s)?When I was growing up in my parents' home, it was understood that girls didn't call boys. Any guys that I ever called were most definitely friends only: nothing remotely romantic in nature, only study partners, buddies. I talked to my girlfriends all the time, but I knew I wasn't supposed to be calling boys I was "interested in." It just wasn't proper. Call me old-fashioned (and I'll take that as a compliment, thankyouverymuch), but I still feel the same way.
My 12-year-old son currently has three girls who call him. He was painfully shy for most of his life, but he's come out of it for the most part. Maybe it's that strong, silent-type thing. I don't know. All I know is that he's not doing any of the calling and gets off the phone as soon as I tell him.
I'm still looking for the perfect way to handle this. We've had times when girls have called our older sons. Once I was home sick from church and the only one in the house. A girl whom I didn't like calling our oldest son called around 30 times in a 45 minute period. Since no one was answering (I didn't), I guess she wanted to catch him the moment he walked in the door. It was making me nuts! When my family got home I discussed the situation (not just that day's calls, but all of them) with my husband, and he answered the phone and had a nice but instructive conversation with the girl. She never called again.
I don't know the ones who are calling now very well, but they seem like nice girls. My thought is that their mothers (and especially their daddies) don't have a clue what's happening. I'm not sure if I should talk to their mothers or the girls themselves. I've been in that position before, when someone tells you something that you really needed to know about your child but didn't want to hear, and I don't relish the thought of putting another mom (or two, or three) in that same boat. On the other hand, should I be the one discussing it with the girls? It always catches me off guard when they call.
My oldest daughter is 10, so I haven't experienced this from the other side. I've been giving her fair warning of what's expected, although I'm not naive enough to assume that's the end of the discussion.
What are your thoughts and experiences in this area? If you post something on your blog, please come back and link your post to my Mr. Linky.
Labels: Moments in Motherhood
8 Comments:
Dawn,
I'm tagging you with a fun bag tag. If your game I'd love to see what's in your bag.
Stop by to find out more.
Blessings,
Theresa
I am with you on not caring for girls calling boys. I guess I never considered that in a couple of years our boys may have girls calling them! I know that my hubby will put a stop to it---luckily he is OK with handling stuff like that.
It's so good to find another mom with a desire for a larger family. I am pregnant with my fifth and I get so many negative comments and "are you done yet" questions that it gets tiring. I don't know how to keep my chin up and stay strong in those comments. It's encouraging to find sites like this. : )
Virginia:
Congratulations on your fifth child! Yes, you will find the good, the bad, and the ugly about large families here!
Blessings!
Not here - Not ever, hopefully. Girls as young as 12 calling a boy on the phone? My children aren't even allowed to answer the phone (a personal pet peeve of mine).
Within our home, we have talked seriously about growing older and all the things that come with it. Since we do not believe in the dating / boyfriend-girlfriend concept, we've shared with the children that until they are ready for marriage there is no need to "play" at being married and the real emotions that go along with it.
I don't want to sound too harsh - it's just that I know how precious my children are and I want to preserve that innocence until they are ready to share their lives with someone.
Our kids can't date until they are 16. I've told the kids to always inform alleged prospects of our dating rules, that makes it less awkward and much less pressuring. They can talk to kids of the opposite sex on the phone.
Just like you, a girl called my son (15) about 20 times on both his cell phone and our home phone.
1) Let him handle it? –How would she react to this? 2) Have a talk with the girl myself? –Would this make it worse? Is she a stalker?? 3) Parents are clueless (both me and hers I guess)
I decided to let him talk to her and make sure she understood that not only that she shouldn’t call so many times (in a gentle way) but also that he only liked her as a friend (extreme gentleness). That did the trick and it taught my son a good lesson: it’s great to be polite, but if the other party is not listening, we then have to put our foot down. Mom’s high heeled foot may not to be so gentle if she didn’t stop.
Now, my daughter (13), she has boys calling and coming to visit all the time. I make sure I talk to them all, and most of all, I let them know I’m an deranged mom by asking them all kind of questions: does your mom know you are here, have you done your homework, how long can you stay out, is this your home phone or your cell phone, what do you need, Fashionista doesn’t take calls after 8:30 pm, etc.
Parenting is not for wimps Dawn! No one told me it would be this hard.
Oops sorry :( too long.
I NEVER called a boy and didn't much feel comfortable when they called me as a teenager, and I don't have boys that age yet, but I have an awesome aunt and uncle with six very on-track kids, four of them tweens and older, with a firm no dating until you are sixteen rule. I was expecting when I asked that they would say girls calling their sons drives them nuts, but they actually made three really important points:
1)The dating culture is almost completely gone. Kids don't date anymore. Sad, but true. They hang out. They get to know one another in group settings more than pairing off. They don't call each other to set up dates or to get romantic like it used to be. So the formal courting rules of former years (like girls shouldn't "chase"/call boys) don't hold up as well as they used to.
2) We live in a world where our daughters are taught more than ever before to be assertive and strong (both good things), so it is a little tricky to somehow expect them to wait around for a boy to call.
3) Most of the girls who call my aunt's sons are not skanks or "loose" in any way. There have been times when she or my uncle have had to have talks with girls about excessive calling and/or help their sons with telling the girls to back off in a nice way, but in general, it is almost preferrable to let a little phoning go on than force the kids into sneakiness or pushing the limits in other ways that are a lot less inocuous.
That said, they do have rules about time on the phone and numbers of calls, and priorities that come before phone use (i.e., homework, chores, etc.)
Thought that all was a useful perspective from someone whose judgment and parenting I really trust and admire. Food for thought, anyway.
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