The Dream

Have you ever had that dream, the one where you're back in school and get to class, only to discover that there's a test that day? The trouble is, you didn't know there was a test and you're completely unprepared. I've had it off and on for several years. My mother used to tell me that she still had that dream, and she'd been out of school much longer than I had.

One evening two or three years ago I was driving down the road listening to a radio program called the Dream Doctor. I haven't heard it quite some time, but it was an interesting program and the host played some fun music. I enjoy listening to Delilah's listener calls, but sometimes I just say, "Enough! I can't listen to another sappy Disney movie theme song!" [I just did a search and discovered that the Dream Doctor is no longer on the air because its host is now suffering from Lou Gehrig's Disease; his words began to slur and he will eventually lose the ability to speak. Sadly, he is only 44 years old.]

On this particular evening, a retired teacher called. She often had this dream, but often from a different perspective: sometimes she was a student unprepared to take the test; sometimes a teacher unprepared to give the test. She explained that she really didn't have any school hang-ups--unresolved testing issues, if you will--but still the dream persisted over the years. Cut to commercial. . .

Let me tell you, I was hanging on the edge of my seat. Alone in my car, I almost turned off my cell phone. I needed to hear his opinion about this dream and I was paranoid something was going to happen to prohibit it. If you've had this dream, maybe you're hanging on the edge of your seat now, too.

You know what he had to say? In his opinion (which obviously is the best anyone can give; I don't know any modern-day Josephs), the dream had nothing to do with school. The test was the key. Dreaming this dream can symbolize some sort of test in your life, a challenge or hurdle which you're facing and for which you feel unprepared. Amazingly, this interpretation has been valid every time I've had the dream since hearing the program. The next time I experienced it was the week of Thanksgiving. It was the first time I was hosting this holiday for my extended family, and I was nervous about being the one cooking the turkey. What's Thanksgiving with a ruined turkey?! You can understand my apprehension. And I understood my dream.

Have you had this recurring dream? The next time you do, think about what's going on in your life and see if you're being tested!

thoughts from my sick bed

I'm sick and I feel really lousy. I can't believe it's after 3 p.m. and I'm still in my pajamas. The great blessing is that our county called off school because of the weather, which means 3 out of 4 of today's activities have been canceled (and hopefully Hubby Dearest will be home in time to handle that 8 p.m. basketball practice). I'm having trouble adjusting to the fact that I can blog guilt-free, because nobody really expects much out of me right now. It's a little unnerving, since like most mommies I'm highly guilt-motivated. My kids are watching The Rookie, while I sit in bed with the laptop and cross my fingers that the two youngest ones' naps last a little longer. . .

Being sick means catching up on my bloglines and thinking (because how many hours a day can a person sleep?). For some reason, I've been thinking about how my mother always said that she wouldn't want to go back and be my age again, no matter what it was -- 20, 25, 30, 35, whatever. You have to understand that my mother was seriously ill and in enormous pain for many years before her passing in 2004. I would think, "But if you were 25, you would feel better," and other such things, but she always insisted that she wouldn't want to go back. And that's what I've pondered.

I think of my own life and realize that I share my mother's view. In my early 20's I was in great shape; I did 90 -minute workout classes and even attended fitness boot camps. Would I go back to that time in my life if I could? No. There have been times in my adult life when I've been wrinkle-free, or had more free time, or more money in the bank. Would I go back to those times? Not a chance.

In spite of any perks we may have experienced at various points along the way, we know that at all times we were and are sinners, depraved, and prone to botch things up. There are lows to go along with those highs, and although hopefully we learn from them, few would want them to repeat.

Mostly, I think my mother lived with a closer knowledge of her own mortality than I've ever had cause to experience. She lived a life of pain with grace because she knew this life was transitory and there was something far sweeter waiting for her. Every day was one step closer to meeting her Savior and that perfect peace, each passing day a victory.

for mothers of pre-teen to teen sons

I pull up this article, Pubermania (gotta love that title!), and re-read it every couple of years. I have 20- and 15-year-old sons, but this time around I'm reading it in honor (or should I say because of) my son who turns 12 today. I thought I would share it in case any of you have sons around this age. Follow the links at the bottom of each page to read the entire article. Trust me, you may find it quite enlightening. I always do.

Tuesday, during which I learn that Monday most certainly was an anomaly

Do you ever have posts which for whatever reason go unpublished? Maybe they were never finished, maybe blogger wouldn't cooperate and upload your pictures and then you forgot to go back and publish later, whatever. I have a handful of those stray drafts floating through my Edit Posts folder, like this one, for instance, which was nothing more than a title. It started as a follow-up to this post, which I was afraid might leave you with the erroneous notion that I really had my act together, whether for real or in my own imagination. It was a halcyon day (now how many good opportunities do you get to use a word like that?), but almost as soon as I hit "Publish" God showed me that while that sort of day was possible, it wasn't probable. The next 24-hours were completely insane.

You know what I noticed? On the day when things were practically-perfect-in-every-way (Mary Poppinsesque, if you will), I didn't pray, "Lord, we're covering a whole lot of math today, but could you help us do a little more?" or "Lord, help me make this fun read-aloud just a little better." I thanked Him, but I didn't feel the need of Him the same way I did the next day, the day when everything that could go wrong did. The day that, as a friend so aptly noted, I was flying by the seat of my pants. And I realized that in a way I sort of like those days, the days when I know He's there lifting me over every hurdle (and believe me, there are plenty at times).

I'll close this with my favorite verse from the hymn "God Moves in a Mysterious Way":

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Common Sense: 1 - iPod: 0

Today my 15-year-old made an amazing revelation: he's realized that iPods and other mp3 players are interfering with his life and that of other kids. A group of his buddies got together for a birthday party this weekend. They are best friends from church, but spread out over a big metro area and don't get to spend as much time together as they would like. Apparently during the course of their time together they wore iPods part of the time, and he finally thought, "Why are we doing this?" He "locked" his iPod yesterday and hasn't used it since. He also realized last night that it interferes with his reading. Hallelujah!

I get so frustrated being in the same vehicle with a child, yelling at the top of my lungs and not being heard. Admittedly, I drive a 15-passenger van so I'm about half a mile from the kids in the back seat, but still... Pull out those headphones and join the real world with the rest of us (or at least our version of the real world)!

A Cheerful Giver

I am amazed and excited by the response to the fundraiser for Kelli - $9160! WOW! I told the kids all about it on the way to church last Sunday: Kelli's background, condition, and the need for money for COBRA payments. When Tuesday morning rolled around, I asked the kids if any wanted to contribute. I thought it would be wonderful if they wanted to help, but this is not the sort of thing I would force.

My kids do helpful things for my retired neighbors - like sweep the steps, clean house, yard work, etc. - and they give them money which they keep for them in individual coffee cans. Two kids gave me $5 each and one gave $4. One handed me $28 and told me that he wanted to order an $8 CD from Amazon for his friend's birthday, and to send the rest. I was completely blown away. I hugged him with tears in my eyes and told him how proud I was of him and how generous he was. Do you know what he said? "It's only money."

It made me ashamed for every time I am faced with a situation to give, and I think, "When is the house payment due?" or "How much is the gas bill this month?" or something else along those lines. It's not easy to give when we get bogged down by worldly considerations. I pray to have my faith restored and not forget God's promise:

Matthew 6: 31-33:
Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

These pictures have nothing to do with the post; I just wanted to share.

Here is Miss Lily in my supper cool sweet awesome bathtub!

Life Imitates Art, or vice versa, part 2

I posted this earlier, then looked later and blogger had eaten the pictures. If they are missing when you read this, I'll go back and fix it later!

I think maybe this is a sequel to this post, but in reverse.

Lily and I reenacted one of her favorite rituals yesterday: she empties her clothes out of the bottom drawer of my wardrobe, and I catch her then fold and put them away. While folding one particular outfit, the one she is pictured in below, I saw an amazing thing:



Do you see it?

Here, look a little closer (click to enlarge):



It's my template, right down to the snowflake! Was I subliminally inspired by this outfit? Beats the heck out of me!



In this shot you can see why her eyes and nose are red in the first two pictures: I had taken her little flashlight to get a shot of the shirt, but I couldn't bear her tears.

Resolved

I know the word resolution gets overused at this time of year and even holds a somewhat negative connotation for many: decisions made with good intentions, abandoned too soon, subsequently leading to disappointment. I, however, love this time of year and the fact that even acting on those worthy impulses for a limited time shows me what we are capable of doing, with a little resolve.

I have done my workout video for 12 days. [I'm supposed to "feel a difference after 10 days and see a difference after 20."] I did it for 5 days after Thanksgiving, but didn't really keep up with it after we got back into school. I am NOT a morning person - no sirree! - but I got myself up early this morning, did my workout, read my Bible and my Intellectual Devotional (in that order), and ate breakfast, all before the kids got out of bed, AND I was in full make-up 35 minutes before our official school start time of 9:00 a.m. [I told you I wasn't a morning person; with an earlier start time we would have been doomed to failure years ago.] And did I mention that I even squeezed in a quick post, too?

Our schooling went well today. I watched math videos with four different kids; had a good Russian lesson with one; finished a book about Nathan Hale with another; discussed Eratosthenes with another; and even had a fabulous and funny read-aloud session from the Book of Virtues on the couch.

To top it all off, I made the Party Potato Skins that Barb posted this weekend for supper, and they were everything that I'd imagined and then some.

Any mix of these things on an ordinary day would be amazing, but altogether on one day they are nothing short of extraordinary.

Yes, this first day of school in 2007 may be an anomaly, but it shows me what can be done and gives me a little hope for what we can accomplish in any given day, with a little resolve and a whole lot of grace.

Blessings to you and yours!

New Year's Meditations

I have been thinking a lot about this since reading that Laurel Wreath was organizing New Year's Meditations. Some of mine probably sound familiar to many of you: I want to lose about 8 pounds; I need to read my Bible more (and towards that end, I just ordered this after reading about it on my cousin's blog); I need to exercise (I've actually done a workout video for 6 of the last 7 days, which is amazing for me).

Laurel Wreath asked, "When you look back December 2007 where would you like to be?" so that's what I'll try to answer now:

A lot of what's on my heart concerns my family and my personal goals. I have written about the reading and hours that I've been putting into learning programs for web design. Some days are rewarding. Some days I am so frustrated or overwhelmed that I just want to walk away and never look at this computer again. I want this learning part of the journey to pass quickly. I don't want my family to think I'm neglecting them or don't have enough time for my domestic duties. Mostly, I want to help my family financially and take some stress off of my husband. He's diabetic, and I worry about his health. A lot.

Also, I hope to make progress towards certification as a childbirth educator and labor doula. I just ordered this book, which is on my required reading list. I am quite blessed to have three friends whose births I can attend in April and May; however, I am really nervous about one of them. Two of them are experienced mothers. I think Crew Mom's biggest fear is that I might try to talk her out of her epidural (just kidding, honey!). One, however, is a friend who is expecting her first child at age 41. I am absolutely thrilled for her: she and her husband have adopted 5 children in their 18 years of marriage and now she's pregnant for the first time. She is reading and studying the process just like I did with my first pregnancy, and she wants that amazing unmedicated birth. I am praying the Lord will grant her a safe delivery and that her birth will be all that she desires, and that I'll know how to help and support her to achieve that end. Also, I pray that she'll have medical staff (please, give us a midwife!) who are receptive to her wishes and treat her like an individual, instead of plugging her into the standardized childbirth model common in hospitals today.

I have the concern common to most homeschooling mothers: are we accomplishing what we need to accomplish? This year I want my children to become better and more prolific readers, and my 15-year-old and I to make serious progress in his learning of Russian.

It's hard to believe that Lily turned 18-months the week before Christmas. I have had little ones and babies for so long, but I know that won't always be the case. Every step for her has been difficult for me: moving out of our room, weaning, etc. I really want to savor the moments with my little ones. At the same time, my oldest son at home only has 2 1/2 years of high school left, and I've seen once before how quickly that time can pass. I pray for guidance in equipping him for life beyond the nest.

I am hungry for time to just sit and read again, which is evidenced to me by the fact that I've gotten five new books in the past two weeks. I want my 2007 reading list to branch beyond web design.

I've been quite blessed in my decision to start this blog in May. I never imagined the friendships I would forge with ladies I've never met, or the strengthened bonds with friends and family who blog, too. Thanks to all of you ladies who've encouraged and inspired me in 2006. I look forward to deepening those friendships in the upcoming year, and I hope to use the opportunity to bless others when it's presented to me.

If you would like to participate or read other posts, go here to the post on Laurel Wreath's site.

Food for Thought

The following is from an article at Boundless Webzine:

What Are We Celebrating? A Fresh Look at an Old Tradition

Before you loosen your belt and find a comfortable place on the couch to nap this Thursday, ask yourself:

What are we celebrating?
a) A feast day honoring the ancient god, pigus dermus.
b) The festival of the ancient god, pigus outus.
c) A feast commemorating the bravery of the Pilgrim’s who set sail for an unknown world 3,000 miles from home.

On Thanksgiving, who's the one getting thanked?
1) The Indians
2) Mother Earth
3) the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

Why did the Pilgrims leave England for America?
a) They were seeking religious freedom
b) They were searching for a better environment for their out-of-control kids
c) It's a trick question. The Pilgrims actually came to America from Holland.

Okay, how'd you do? If you're like a lot of Americans, you don't know as much about Thanksgiving's origins as you thought.

It's really not your fault. The holiday has fallen into politically-correct disrepute. Walk into a Border's Books, you'll find plenty of books about Thanksgiving. But most of them offer a deeply distorted view of the holiday. For instance, readers will get the distinct impression that the Pilgrims were atheists, because all mention of God has been omitted from many a modern holiday tale.

Read the article in its entirety.

Our family enjoys Christian Liberty Press's Stories of the Pilgrims, which is an annual holiday read-aloud. Our biggest hurdle is starting it early enough to finish before Thanksgiving.

Wishing your family a blessed Thanksgiving!

Thoughts on Proverbs chapter 3

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
~Proverbs 3:5-6

I don't know about you, but for me the above verses are the ones that have been the most memorable in Proverbs chapter 3. Once when I was having a difficult time in college, I actually took my Bible and randomly opened it and pointed to a verse, hoping the Lord would lead me to just what I needed. Where did my finger land? You guessed it, Proverbs 3:5-6. I don't recommend this as a method of Bible study, but the Lord graciously lead me to this verse, which gave me comfort both then and many more times over the years.

Earlier this week I had some quiet time in the morning and I read Proverbs chapter 3 again. The following verses jumped out at me:

Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it.
Say not unto thy neighbour, Go, and come again, and to morrow I will give; when thou hast it by thee.
~Proverbs 3:27-28

I didn't see a practical application of those verses in my life, but for some reason they jumped off the page at me and I even copied them in the little journal I've started keeping next to my Bible. Well, this morning my practical application arrived. It's a little complicated, but essentially a friend is withholding something I need because of a miscommunication that occurred some time ago, and didn't actually involve me, but another member of my family. Our friend feels that we withheld something from him. A small miscommunication has taken on a life of its own. I hate that there is a stumbling block in this friendship which we hadn't realized or addressed, and that our friend has been hurt. I'm embarrassed to have asked a favor of a friend who felt we had neglected his own request. Mostly, I'm not sure how to tactfully address the situation and resolve it, but I'm thinking I need to look to the other Proverbs 3 verses that caught my attention earlier this week:

Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart:
So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man.
~Proverbs 3:3-4

Redeeming My Time

I have a long personal struggle with scheduling my household. In my grandparents' home, you ate at noon whether you were hungry or not; lunch was always the big meal; "early to bed and early to rise" weren't just suggestions. My mother rebelled against that kind of structure, and as a result we had a very loose "schedule" during my childhood. That worked for a family of four living in a relatively small town, but I can tell you from years of experience that it doesn't work for a large family living in a big city. I want - no I need - to redeem the time that God has given me, establish priorities and give them proper attention, and actually feel that I've accomplished something by the end of the day.

Being scheduled, organized, or efficient are three very distinct and different things.

I am organized. My CDs are grouped by artist and genre; the books on my bookshelves are arranged by subject area; everything has its place in my kitchen and bathroom drawers and cabinets. Being organized is not the same as being scheduled.

I am efficient. I can cook supper while folding a load of laundry while administering a spelling test while bandaging a scraped knee while talking on the phone while installing a program on the computer with one hand tied behind my back. Being efficient is not the same as being scheduled.

I am not scheduled. Take lunch, for instance. Lunch is usually late, the menu sometimes doesn't change for days at a time (mac 'n' cheese may be fun on Monday, but after four days in a row, it gets a little old), and sometimes the table doesn't get cleaned until supper time. I have actually made a "master lunch menu" which we've started to implement this week. This is my first baby step toward scheduling. Today I trained Sabra and Christian to make Tuesday's lunch. They were thrilled and so was I. Some of you may have been doing this for years and wonder what's the big deal. I, however, have failed to delegate properly and resisted scheduling, not recognizing that a good schedule involving well-trained children should free my life, not complicate it.

Master Lunch Menu
Monday	pancakes
Tuesday	piggies in a blanket
Wednesday	pasta
Thursday	Spaghettios/grilled cheese
Friday	mac 'n' cheese
Saturday	sandwiches

Scheduling suppers shouldn't be too complicated with a basic skeleton schedule. Sunday nights are popcorn and cereal nights (a lifesaver, as well as a family favorite); I think I'll go back to my old routine of homemade pizza for Fridays; soup sounds good for Wednesdays; I'll need something uncomplicated for Thursdays since that will be our busiest day of the school year. I'm working on a meal list containing my repertoire of supper recipes. I've got about 20 listed so far, just working off the top of my head without looking at cookbooks. I spent a lot of time last week on the road with my Palm Pilot and keyboard in my lap, typing away Excel spreadsheets with assorted lists and schedules. I've gotten my inspiration from my 10-year-old copy of Managers of Their Homes (better late than never) and the Large Family Logistics "Do the Next Thing" email reminder loop from Yahoo. I just noticed that Large Family Logistics has a sample lunch schedule which looks much more appealing than mine. Maybe I can branch out once I establish some sort of routine.

Next time I'll share my journey toward scheduling school.